I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
