He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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