i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
