Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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