The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
