Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
