So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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