those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
