There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
