Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
