thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
