so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
