Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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