I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
