so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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