Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
