When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
