She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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