strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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