I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
