I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Randomize
