Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
