that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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