The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
