Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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