There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
