i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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