I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
