just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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