How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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