I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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