"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I lost the right to judge tonight
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
