You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
