He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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