If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
