friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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