I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
