I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
