i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
