You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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