I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
