you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
