Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
