i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
