dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
