he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
