Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
