ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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