shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
