Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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